2chicksand1oldlady

Two sisters taking care of their mom while trying to live life and find love.

The Follow Up Plan Until Our Next Level

Thanks everyone for all of your feedback and encouragement. We are so humbled to have an opportunity to learn and share with you. We received some great feedback from our survey, and we will be taking action on the following topics:

1. Content centered toward men

2. Content related to managing expenses and care

3. Information on our lives (Who are we? Why do we do this?)

To help address these action items we are in the process of redesigning our site. We are really focused on ensuring this site provides resources to all caregivers. In-home care is one of the fastest growing trends in our society; and people are being placed in this category at a younger age. So, we want to be that place to help caregivers see there is help, support, encouragement, and life while making this transition . So, please look out for our new site coming soon!

Finally, we would like to give a warm congratulations to our winner of the $25.00 Amex gift card, Lisa Knox. Lisa, your gift card will be mailed out shortly :-).

Again, thank you for your support!Also, if you would like to share any information, topic ideas, or blog posts; email us at 2chicksand1oldlady@gmail.com.

Until we meet again!

 

 

xo

2Chicksand1OldLady

“My ABC123″ “Partner in Crime” “My Sister”

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Secret Weapons Come in All Forms

Bath and Bodyworks Sleep Lavender Vanilla Body Wash and Lotion

One of My Favorite Secret Weapons!

One of my mottos is to find the funny in every situation. It’s not always easy. So, at times I find that I have to dig into my “arsenal of secret weapons” to navigate the caregiving waters :). Today, I’m going to share one of my favorites with you, Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Lavender Vanilla Body Wash and Lotion. I know that probably sounds crazy. But, when you’re a caregiver, you realize the most unconventional items can bring the greatest “peace” :). Today, I got a chance to remember that.

It’s a normal Sunday in my house filled with cooking, laundry, etc . Everyone is feeling lazy, and in their respective corners. It seems like a “peaceful” day. Well, that peace was short-lived when my Mom a.k.a “The Old Lady” decides she wants to have a conversation about my love life. Of course, you know that’s my favorite topic to discuss (not really). I try to distract her by asking about my relatives, what she wants for dinner, heck even the Kardashians (one of her favorite shows) were on the table for discussion.

Anything, but my love life or the lack there of. But, she was not going to be denied. She decided that this was our time to discuss how we need to visit a “psychic” because there must be a “root”(old school term for a curse) on me that is blocking me from love. Really? Now we have brought this to the level of “roots”. Wow, you know things are tough when they start thinking you may need to visit “Doctor Buzzard” for a little assistance. I thought Jesus was enough, silly me :).

Of course, this conversation went on too long (longest 10 minutes of my life). So, I decide to throw a monkey wrench in my mom’s plan. I reminded her that I would be supervising her bath tonight. At that moment, you would have thought I hit her with a “tranquilizer dart” :). She hates when I supervise her bath. I tend to be the more organized decisive attendant, and on top of that she hates me telling her what to do. So, she immediately shifts focus off of my love life and then starts complaining about me supervising her bath. All I can think is “WINNING”, and I’m about to seal the deal by using my secret weapon during bath time :).

Bath and Body Works Lavender Vanilla Aromatherapy lotion is truly a “magic bullet”. My mom is clean relaxed and sleeping. It’s 8:21pm, and I’m comforted to hear the sounds of her snoring while I type this blog :). You can’t beat that response time. All you need is 30 minutes, and peace will echo through your home.

Here’s the link to this collection:http://bit.ly/Ul9jLS
Find your “secret weapons” and embrace your peace while providing rest and relaxation to your family. It’s a win win for everyone. Until we meet again!

xo

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Feedback Requested! You could win $25.00!

I’m changing things up a bit. As I prepare to take things to the next level with my blogging. I wanted to take a moment to say “Thank You” for allowing me to share my journey with you. The support and encouraging words really mean the world to me. This is not just a passing fancy for me, this is my life.

So, in times of growth you have to get feedback on your performance to help chart your future path. That’s where you come in. If you can please take a moment to complete this brief survey (Click this link:https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/M99YMQH) for me, I would greatly appreciate it. To show my gratitude, I will randomly choose one (1) new follower from now (July 14th) through Sunday (July 20th) to win a $25.00 American Express Gift Card. All you have to do is take the survey, and follow me. It’s that easy!

I will definitely share my results as I use this information in preparation for my next level. Until we meet again!

xo

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Small Gestures Can Produce Great Moments

It’s amazing to me how in the smallest gestures you can find deeper meanings. Today I was washing my mom’s hair, and I found myself thinking about the act of washing hair. Of course, it means my mom is going to have the cleanest scalp and softest hair due to my good scrubbing, and these wonderful products from Shea Moisture and As I Am (Shameless plug).

"Coconut Cowash" by As I Am & "African Black Soap Purification Conditioner" by Shea Moisture

The best hair care products ever!!!

But, really this is about the intimacy of washing someone’s hair. When someone washes your hair, it’s a time of trust and relaxation. Your defenses are down, and you are at a moment of peace and tranquility. It’s such an amazing feeling. Then, I thought about the person washing the hair. When you’re washing someone’s hair, you are in complete control of that person’s feelings in that moment. You are getting an opportunity to take care and pamper someone without resistance. Or, them deciding to make this a time for “20 questions” like my mom is known for doing :). For a caregiver, those moments are so rare, it’s scary :). So, when we get them it’s like winning the lotto.

As caregivers all we want is to make sure your needs are met. It’s the one thing that gives us pleasure and contentment. But, a lot of times we meet resistance due to our decisions not being the ones that make our family members happy. But,we are charged to make the tough decisions. Especially, since we are thinking about the good of the whole versus the one. It’s not an easy path. But, it’s the path we’ve decided to walk. So, we do what is needed. But, as I learned today small gestures can lead to moments of enlightenment. Moments when you realize your actions are not in van. It’s just funny how they may appear during the small gestures. But, they always say, “Great things come in small packages”.

So, wash some hair, draw a bath, do something that shows you care. That one moment of peace and tranquility can produce a feeling that will warm your heart, and motivate you to keep pushing forward.

Until we meet again!!
xo

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The Beginning of The Next Level

2014 Blogging While Brown Corporate Sponsors

Gina McCauley, Founder of Blogging While Brown recognizing the 2014 Corporate Sponsors

This has been an amazing weekend for me. I stepped out on faith and attended the Blogging While Brown Conference in Harlem this week. This conference was so amazing. Also, I need to mention I attended this by myself. Imagine “me” in the city that never sleeps, by myself without any cares in the world. It was amazing ☺. (Side note: All caregivers need a break by themselves. It’s an opportunity to recharge and do the things you want to do for you. That’s critical to the caregiver experience. You have to have a life too!!! Now back to our regularly scheduled post ☺)

Pamela Davis and Rothesia Stokes, Founder & Blogger of Shehaspurpose.com

Dinner Happiness at Chocolat in Harlem with Rothesia Stokes, Founder & Blogger of Shehaspurpose.com

I was in awe at the influx of bloggers committed to sharing their experiences, testimonies, stories, and passions to provide conversations on their varied topics of choice. These “thought leaders “covered topics that ranged from fashion, beauty, empowerment, health & wellness, parenting, love, and finance. There also were some that were not even “born” yet. These bloggers were “pregnant” with purpose, and their “miracles” were still being developed :).

It was so inspiring to be surrounded by such an amazing group of people all committed to using their voices to create a community of content that will be used to empower, encourage, inspire, and propel their communities. That’s what it’s all about, sharing your vision to give vision to others. We all have a voice; it’s just having the courage to share it that’s the challenge.I walked away with a fire in my belly that I won’t let get put out by the demands of life.

I’m committed to sharing my experiences as a caregiver to help others deal with a challenge that is going to impact more people than you can imagine. Caregiving cannot be treated as something that families deal with secretly or a hidden obligation. Caregiving must be given a full conversation like Cancer, AIDS, Diabetes, etc. As the Baby Boomer generation continues to age, more people will be faced with dilemma of having elderly parents that need around the clock care. There has to be a place where resources are readily accessible to address the challenges of finding healthcare, facilities, agencies, insurance, legal information,etc. The list could go on and on. My goal is to be that resource for anyone in need.

So, I’m starting the conversation now by giving my commitment to take 2Chicksand1oldlady to the next level. This site will become a resource for that information, and will continue to grow and evolve based upon identified needs. So, this is where I need your help. What would you like to see information on? Where do you feel like you are struggling? Please share your thoughts with me, and let’s take this next level walk together.

So, watch out for the changes that are coming! Take this walk with me, and let’s put a voice to Caregiving that will help give it the recognition it deserves and needs. Until we meet again.
Xo

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Taking Things To The Next Level

Taking Things To The Next Level

I’m taking a little break in our regularly scheduled program to talk about my upcoming adventure. I’m so excited to have the opportunity to attend Blogging While Brown this year. Blogging While Brown is a premier blogging conference dedicated to education, collaboration, and innovation among bloggers of color.

The Blogging While Brown conference brings together Black social media experts, speakers, and independent content creators together to educate, inspire, and expand their influence in social media and technology.

I look forward to learning and sharing many techniques that will help turn 2chicksand1oldlady.com into a lifestyle blog that addresses the needs of caregivers in an engaging, entertaining, and supportive way. There are some big changes on the horizon for our blog. We can’t wait for you to engage with us. This is just the beginning! Please continue to join us on the ride.

Until we meet again!

xo

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If Only Heaven Received Mail

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This is one of the hardest blogs for me to start. Father’s Day is a really challenging day for us. We’re always happy to see and hear about all of the wonderful fathers in the world. We just wish we could talk to ours. We feel blessed to have many memories that we can share about our time together. But, what we wouldn’t give for just one more conversation with him.

If only heaven could receive mail, this is what we would send to him…..

 

Dearest Pops,

I hope this letter finds you sitting by the ocean casting your line off the pier about to catch a big fish. Or, better yet sitting down and having a conversation about life and politics with Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Miles Davis, and Wayman Tisdale.  You always had great insight, and were extremely well read. I’ll never forget how you made me read the “Autobiography of Malcolm X” at twelve years old. You always believed and reinforced education was the key to success. You always told us that if we didn’t know our history, we were doomed to repeat it. Wow, we miss those conversations.

Really, we miss you.

Your eyes always shined so brightly when you saw us. Your laugh was infectious, and I find myself at times hearing that laugh in myself. It startles me, and I find myself trying to repeat it to capture another moment of you. You were always so kind, and so outgoing. It’s one of the qualities  we try to emulate. You never were afraid to strike up a good conversation. Remember, when I called you to get advice on cooking collard greens for a lady in the grocery store? You spoke to her like she was family. Or, when we went on our family vacation and a group of women just asked you to go with them for a minute. You just said, “ok” and went.

Next thing we know they have you in in full makeup with boobs and everything on stage helping them win a “beautiful manly man” contest. Of course, your team won. You looked beautiful, even with your mustache :)

Wow, how can we not talk about the mustache. We loved your mustache.  Remember that time Tracey and I refused to go with you when we were little because you shaved it off. We were like “stranger danger”, because our Daddy has a mustache :). It took you thirty minutes to convince us to go with you. The mustache was part of your swag. I miss that “Pops Davis Swagger”. Are you still wearing only shirts with horses and polo players in heaven? If so, how do they fit over your wings? I wish you could send me a photo :).

 

You always were smooth and clean at all times. However, even with that “Davis Swagger” we always knew we were your number one priority. You would stop everything to be there for us, to talk to us about anything. We always felt so loved, so special. We ache for children who don’t know that kind of love from their parents, and we thank God that we were blessed with you.

We know you’re up there supporting us and praying for us all times. God got a beautiful angel in you. We miss you so much. But, this Father’s Day is not about reflecting on the loss of you. It’s about remembering how blessed we are because of you. The memories are what dries the tears and brings smiles to our faces.

We miss you Pops Davis! There will never be enough words to describe the love we have for you.But, at least there will be all of the memories to get us through. Until we meet again!

Love always,
Pamela and Tracey

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The Perfect Balance

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It’s amazing how love and forgiveness go together. Each an integral part of the other. But, always being spoken about like it’s two separate things. I guess you don’t really start to make the connection until you have to really think about it..

I’ve had the opportunity to think about it a lot lately. Between battles at home with my mom, to health challenges with my aunt. I’ve had a front row seat to witnessing how integral love and forgiveness are to each other. No matter how angry you are with someone you love, when they need you, it’s amazing how love makes you forget anything that happened. This is not a permanent solution to the problem. But, it definitely shows how love can move things to the back burner pretty quickly when needed.

This is especially critical to remember as a caregiver. This role always means that you are the one making the hard and unpopular decisions. So, you take the brunt of the complaints. These complaints of course are not always given with kind words; and they often are laced with some “choice words” that would make the most patient person go HAM :).

However, as a caregiver that is one of the points where rubber meets the road. You can go HAM back, and let the battle begin (I’ve chosen this route before). Or, you can remember the old adage “Sticks and Stones may break my bones. But, words can never hurt me”. See they were schooling us back on the playground to not get upset over someone else’s perception of us. This of course is the option that most of us have a difficult time choosing.

It’s so easy to be angry because you have so much pent up frustration at times that it’s right below the surface, chilling out waiting for a moment to seep out. It’s just a matter of time and opportunity. However, love is always there too. Love is what gets you through the days that make you feel like you want to give up. Love is also what helps you remember that this moment is temporary. So, don’t make a permanent decision in a temporary situation. It’s the love that leads to forgiveness.

Love reminds you that this is someone you would lay your life down to protect. So, if you are willing to make that level of sacrifice, you have to be willing to forgive them when they say things that hurt your feelings. You have to remember that the forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. Forgiveness makes you lighter. You’re not weighed down by anger. It allows you to focus on the person, and the moments that you have to share. That’s what life and love is all about. It’s about savoring the moments that make life worth living; and forgiving the moments that weigh you down.

Love and forgiveness are like “yin yang”, two emotions going in opposite directions that always lead back to each other. Embrace love in all you do, and forgiveness will be there when things go off course. Until we meet again!

xo

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Love Is Always In Style

Love Is Always InStyle

I’ve been thinking all week about love. There are so many ways that love is expressed. Love is not conventional. You can’t box love in. Love moves in ways that we don’t always understand. Love is patient, blind, and at times completely deaf to the ways of the world :). Remember God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that we could have life more abundantly. That’s love on fire for real!

Beside being so elusive, Love is the one thing in the world that everyone longs for. It’s more pursued than money and status. No matter who you are, everyone wants to be loved. I’ve been very fortunate in my life to know some of the many shades of love.

From the love of God, my family and friends, to romantic love. I’ve experienced love in many ways. It hasn’t always resulted in happiness. But, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be without those experiences. Those experiences good and bad, have helped me grow and realize the true values of life.

Mahatma Ghandi said “Where there is love, there is life”. There is not a truer statement. Without love it’s like living on autopilot through life. Love is that kick in your soul that helps you move through the challenges that you will face everyday. Love is what makes marriages stay together when things are tough. Love is what sustains caregivers to keep fighting and pressing for their loved ones, when they are pushing you near your breaking point. Love is what pulls us out of moments of depression and fear ,when we make mistakes that hurt ourselves or other people.

It’s always going to be about love. Whether you are entering into a new relationship, committing to a lifetime, taking care of a loved one, or realizing your value as a person. The root of your survival is always going to be about love; and we can’t take it for granted. It’s easy to act like you don’t need it. But, there is nothing more beautiful than to be witness to love.

This week I had the opportunity to witness the love of family coming together to overcome adversity, the wedding of one of my closest friends, a friend overcoming their personal struggles, and realizing that he is still worthy of fulfilling his promise. Love was all around me. It wrapped me in a warm embrace that shook away my fears; and renewed me to keep pressing toward my promise. See, love is the ultimate medicine and the best accessory :).

Wear your love proudly! It’s just the breath of life the world needs. Until we meet again!

xo

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Standing In My Truth

stand_in_truth

In order to move forward and get better. You have to be willing to own the areas of yourself that need to be fixed. So, I’m starting this out by admitting, “I’m broken”.

I’m “broken”, and at times this causes me to lash out at the people I love. Especially, in times of high emotional pressure. This isn’t a new discovery, this is just my new way of dealing with it. I’m going to stand in it,versus trying to act like it doesn’t exist.

By standing in it, I know I can heal from it. But, before I can heal from it. I need to deal with its root. The seed took root when my father died.

His death was so sudden, it shook me to my core. I felt overwhelmed by grief. But, instead of taking the time to grieve. I moved full speed into being a caregiver to my mom. I decided that she needed to be my focus, and I compartmentalized my pain.

I became an emotional bag lady, and I was definitely carrying too many “bags”. Caregivers can understand this feeling. You are trying to please everyone so much, that pieces of you get packed away until you can’t deal anymore. Until you explode, and leave a trail of tears and painful words all over the place.

Then, all you’re left with is guilt. You berate yourself for letting things get this way. You know the tricks and traps that lead can you to that ugly moment. But, you still fall down the “rabbit hole” anyway.

I fell down the “rabbit hole” this morning. My Mom & I had a fight that would rival any world class boxing match. It was ugly, and I hope we can move forward from it. But, in every mess there is a lesson learned.

I learned that even though I’ve made a lot of progress, I’m still “broken”. I still have grieving and healing to do; and I have to make time for me to do that.

As caregivers, we give our all to the ones we love. But, we have to save something for ourselves. We also can’t feel guilty for doing that. We have to stand in our authority. We have to make decisions for the good of the whole, not the one. That’s not going to always be well received. But, that’s ok. As long as we did it from a place of love and understanding, everything will be alright.

I learned that my Mom is in pain. She is still grieving the loss of her soul mate, her “vision”, and independence. She’s now in a battle to not allow her feelings of helplessness to overtake her. I think she’s questioning, who’s winning.

We are all facing battles. No one is excluded from challenging circumstances. We just have to know how to win. It’s not about the fight. It’s about standing in the battle with the conviction that you can, and will do better. I’m allowing my transparency of my truth to heal and strengthen me. So, I can win the battle for myself & my family.

Stay strong and stand firm. Until we meet again!

xo

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